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NICK: You wanna look like a fellow who deserves respect?
You better start dressin' the part.
You need the suit, shirt, and tie.
I'm talkin' fully decked.
Your hair like a work of art.
SLICK, MARIO, and CALOGERO: Yeah!
NICK: You put on the fedora, that sophisticated aura.
And you curl your lip and stand just right.
Light a cig and hold it steady.
Strike a pose and now you're ready to hang on the corner all night.
SLICK, MARIO, and CALOGERO: Ain't it the truth?
NICK: You know it, every word is true.
SLICK, MARIO, and CALOGERO: Ain't it the truth?
NICK: You'll listen to what I'm tellin' you.
You can't hold your head up in a cheapass lookin' get-up.
ALL: And that's the truth.
Bah-doo-wop! Bah! Bah! Bah-dah-dah! Bah-doo-wop!
MARIO (speaking): Hey! Don't I know you from some place?
GIRL: Yeah! That's why I don't go there anymore.
MARIO (speaking): Forget her! She's a sl*t.
SLICK (speaking): How do you know?
MARIO (speaking): She failed my test.
CALOGERO (speaking): Your test?
MARIO (speaking): The "Mario Test". This test can't fail.
MARIO: You wanna know if you're girl's gonna be the one?
You give her the "Mario Test".
You pick her up, take her driving, and have a bit of fun.
And then, here's what I suggest.
MARIO (speaking): You take her out on the highway and you get right up next to one of those big 18 wheelers.
You honk the horn. Beep beep.
You wave to the driver. You make sure he's lookin' at you, it's very important.
Then, you put your right hand behind her head.
You whisper in her ear and tell her what you expect.
Now, if she goes for the old brajone knowing the guy in the 18 wheeler is watching, she can't be trusted.
CALOGERO (speaking): You're a sick person, Mario.
SLICK, NICK, and CALOGERO: Ain't it the truth?
MARIO: No bullshit. Every word makes sense.
SLICK, NICK, and CALOGERO: Ain't it the truth?
MARIO: Ignore me at your own expense.
She likes the pepperoni, she ain't fit for matrimony.
ALL: And that's the truth! Woo!
Bah-doo-wop! Bah! Bah! Bah-dah-dah!
Bah-doo-wop! Sha-sha-sha-wah-dah!
SLICK (speaking): Hey, what are you yahms doin' walking over here?
MARIO (speaking): Yeah, this is out neighborhood.
CALOGERO (speaking): They're not makin' any trouble. Just forget about it.
SLICK (speaking): My father told me that's how it starts.
You let one in, they take over the neighborhood.
CALOGERO (speaking): Slick, listen.
SLICK: You wanna know what it takes to be a real paisan?
You stand on the side of what's right.
And when those jigs get ideas and it's your block they're on,
You quit actin' all polite.
CALOGERO (speaking): Hey, c'mon Slick.
SLICK: You get up in their faces and you show them where their place is.
MARIO: You baseball bat their heads.
SLICK: No doubt.
NICK: 'Cause you let one or two in,
Then the whole place goes to ruin.
SLICK: And who else will keep the spooks out?
SLICK, NICK, and MARIO: Ain't it the truth?
SLICK: You know it. Every goddamn word.
SLICK, NICK, and MARIO: Ain't it the truth?
SLICK: Exactly like we've always heard.
The next tribe that passes,
You can bet we'll kick their asses.
SLICK, NICK, and MARIO: And that's the truth!
Bah-doo-wop! Bah! Bah! Bah-dah-dah!
Bah-doo-wop! Sha-sha-sha-wah-dah!
Bah-doo-wop! Bah! Bah! Bah-dah-dah!
And that's the truth!