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作词 : Stephen Sondheim
作曲 : Stephen Sondheim
I am Adolfo Pirelli
The king of the barbers
The barber of the kings
E bon giorno, good day
I blow you a kiss!
And I, the so famous Pirelli
I wish-a to know-a
Who has-a the nerve-a to say
My elixir is-a piss!
Who says this?
"I do. I am Mr. Sweeney Todd."
"I have opened this bottle of Pirelli's elixir, and I say to you it is nothing but an arrant fraud."
"And furthermore—'Signor'—I have serviced no kings,"
"Yet I wager that I can shave a cheek and pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank!"
"You hear-a this foolish man?"
"Watch and see how he will-a regret his-a folly!"
"Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?"
"Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbors."
"Ready?"
"Ready!"
"Ready."
"The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner."
Now, signorini, signor, we mix-a the lather
But first-a you gather around
Signorini, signori, you looking a man
Who have had-a the glory to shave-a the Pope!
Mr. Sweeney so smart—I beg-a your pardon—don't call me a liar
Say it was only a cardinal—Nope!
It was-a the Pope!
Perhaps, signorini, signori
You'd like I tell you the famous story of Queen Isabella
The queen of-a Polan whose toot' was-a swollen
I pull it so nice from her mout'
That-a though to begin, she's a screaming-a murder
She's later-a swoon-a with bliss an' was heard-a to shout
Pull all of 'em out
To shave-a the face
To pull-a the toot'
Require the grace
And not the brute
For if-a you slip
You nick-a the skin
You clip-a the chin
You rip-a the lip a bit
And that's-a the trut'
To shave-a the face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require the heart
It take-a the art
I show you a chart
I study-a starting in my yout'
To cut-a the hair
To trim-a the beard
To make-a the bristle
Clean like a whistle
This is from early infancy
The talent give to me
By God!
It take-a the skill
It take-a the brains
It take-a the will
To take-a the pains
It take-a the pace
It take-a the grace
"The winner is Todd."
"And now who's for a tooth pulling, free without charge"
"Me, sir, me, sir"
"Who else? No one?"
"Then sir, since there is no means to test the second skill I claim the victory"
"Wait, one moment, wait"
"You, boy, get on that chair"
"Me, signor? Not a tooth, sir, I beg of you"
"I ain't got a twinge, not the slightest pain"
"You do now. We see who is zee victor now"
"Ready?"
"Ready!"
"Ready."
To pull-a the toot' without-a the skill
Can damage the root
Now hold-a the still an' if-a you slip
You grip a bit, you hit the pit of it
Or chip-a the do and have-a to fill
To pull-a the toot' without-a the grace
You leave-a the space all over the place
You try to erase without-a the trace
Sometimes is the case you even-a kill
To hold-a the clamp without-a the cramp
With all that saliva, it could-a drive-a you crazy
Don' mutter or back-a you go to the gutter
My touch is as light as a butter-a cup
I take-a the pains
I learn-a the art
I use-a the brains
I give-a the heart
I have-a the grace
I win-a the race
I give it up!
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