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作词 : Gregory Holgate
作曲 : Gregory Holgate
(please ENJOY and SUBCRIBE!!!)
It’s half eleven and your doorbell chimes
Yeah, I know I said I’d start at 9
But I had to grab a bap on the M25
Don’t worry, love
Still gonna charge for the time
‘Cause I’m the jack of all tradesmen
And your place is craving renovation
Straight from the facias
Down into your basement
‘Fraid your radiators need replacements
Greatest decorator in an eighth mile radius
Don’t check my ratings
Swear they’re outrageous
All their outrage is baseless
I’m blameless
Only three of my extensions ever caved in
You got savings?
Ooh, well I hope you do
‘Cause it’s a heck of a job that I’m quoting you
Look, I know that you only want a coat of blue
But to be safe I’d better run my dozer through
I could do it in a flash
In a jiffy
In a jot
But the trouble is, love
It’s coming up one O’Clock
So I’ll have a spot of lunch
Then a cuppa
Then I’m off
And I’ll come back tomorrow
See if anything’s in stock
If I’ve got it in the van, that’s grand
If I haven’t then I gotta’ get the parts from Japan
They should be here Jan
Maybe June
In year
Maybe two
But I’ll take the down payment now
See you soon
I tell you, I’ve got five star reviews!
And by that I mean I have five one star reviews which is basically the same thing.
Don't think about it.
Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Now, are you sure you want the glass translucent?
I can see a little room for improvement
A one man overhaul
Sporting overalls
Though I don’t recall
The load bearing walls
So I ‘spose I ought to bulldoze ‘em all
Eh, your home is sort of disposable
I do wiring
Grouting
I put your power shower in
That pipe ain’t leakin’
It’s just a little fountain
Whatd’ya mean that’s not what a power shower is?
The spout’s right here
Where the plugs are mounted?
I’m the handyman with the plan
To retire via cheating cash from your gran
Do you really need to tile all my ceilings?
That’s right
I’m afraid
That’ll be ten grand
If your wall’s too bland I can lend a hand
Got a car full of samples to artfully fan
And most of the lead free cans aren’t banned
Though some colours are still carcinogens
We got:
Eggshell
Beige
Ecru
Sage
Hessian
And Sesame
And Peppermint rage
Indigo Dingo
Elephant Plague
Hotdog Embargo
And Lemon Rampage
Baby Blue
Navy Blue
Gravy Blue
Maybe Blue
Grape and Rhubarbecue
Caribou Cabin Crew
Third Degree Verdigris
Turtle Infirmary
Phlurple
And Curdle and Terminal Burgundy
And-
Oh..
White?
You’d prefer White?
Okay …
Whatever...
White’s fine too…
I'm not hurt or anything
Just a bit Emulsional...
Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Yes,the fixtures are nice
But the quote don’t include them
I can see a little room for improvement
They say home is where the heart is
And that’s true enough I guess
‘Cause it seems like your garage is
Now in car-diac arrest
I’ve installed some extra arches
But your bathroom’s somewhat less
I’m afraid to say your bath
Is firmly parked upon your desk
I’m a stone cold filler
Pro roach killer
I’m a fixture of fitting in
A kitchen in your villa’
But my tea cup could use a little refill
And I don’t suppose you got a biscuit do ya’?
I’m no clever boffin
But you know I’m never stoppin'
I can stick up a partition quicker
Than you’d slot a noggin
I’ll be bodging ‘til my spirit’s level
Lying in a coffin
‘Til then I got a new side gig
IN PRESSURE WASHING!
Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
You clearly just don't appreciate
The Brutalist movement.
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Regulations?
Nah, never use ‘em.
I can see a little room for improvement
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