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Ex-Boyfriend - Lil Dicky
Ey what's going on man
It's your boy Lil' Dicky
A K A Mr Leftward-Sloping Penis
I got a story for y'all man
Peep this
Yessir
Now I been dating this girl named Katie she hot as hell
And her body crazy v***na shaven and it don't smell
And I don't fall for chickens
But this one a little different
Body sickening
Plus she really good at making breaded chicken
Got me thinking she the one man
Even fully clothed shawty really fun man
Get a lotta hoes but none of those come close
I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposedddd
Oh yeah there's one more thing
And I know this **** gonna sound insane
But I still haven't hit it
I admit it I wish I was kidding
Never been up inside before
Because she's only f**ked one guy before
And though I really wanna boink this w**re
She my sweetie 3 14
So I'm staying patient and masturbating
And now my heart is sorta racing
Cuz she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating
Hell yeah I'm down I'm 'bout to go all out
I'm gonna pound that crazy like an elaborate black man handshake
But on the way to crib we p*** this kid
And he seem to know who Katie is
So I say thisand she say
Dicky this is my ex boyfriend Jim
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
But as I'm looking at this dude I can't believe my eyes
Cuz he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life
He's got the thickest head of hair chiseled jaw an egregious bod
Man this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian god
And now I'm looking at my chick cuz his d*ck's been inside her rawww
Awww damn
Man this is crazy
I can't believe this guy used to f**k my lady
I bet he left that ***** ravaged like Haiti
Katie's hugging and squeezing his shoulder blades
And I'm bugging and queasy this ain't okay
And then they say get drinksso I say okay
Even though I was about to get laid
Man this maf**ka look like Ashton
Combined wit a lil' Hugh Jackman
In other words he's so damn attractive
So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him
Now I'm in the back wit him sipping on some 'gnac wit him
And he paying for it all he inves**ent bankin
I'm acting like I ain't distracted
But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin
And now I'm feeling pissed so I go and take a piss
Mid stream I look left and guess who it is
And I had to see and I was mad discrete
And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek
Oh my god becky look at that cock
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
But as I'm looking at his d*ck I can't believe my eyes
Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life
And now I'm staring at this dude's soft d*ck with a lotta hate
Because the **** is plus 8 like Jon and Kate
And I don't know if I can date my girl after tonight
Aw damn
I don't know what to do
Dude's d*ck is really huge
I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth
I know she's missing that
My penis isn't that
I'm looking closer I think that his d*ck has abs
Six pack on a d*ck
Now what the f**k is that
It's so long and thick
It's like a punching bag
I'm saying it's so shaven head is amazing
Got my d*ck looking like a raisin
Skin tone insane man he's hung like Saddam Hussein it's crazy
What the f**k should I do
He gotta Ruth's Chris d*ck and mine's a drive through
I think it's time to
Tell Katie my goodbyes
Cuz I simply can't survive
After seeing what was in between his thighs
So I tell her
That this dude's gotta d*ck that I don't comprehend
I had to move my neck to see it end to end
I mean the physics of his d*ck just don't make any sense
And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end
Because the sex with him must have been the best
And I would say let's just be friends
But I think I would just think about his d*ck all the time so goodbye
Then she told me Dicky I don't really know what to say
Because I dated this dude in second grade
So I don't know about his d*ck now let's go home and get you laid
And then I took her to my crib and you know that we barely slept
And I gave her an O like I was selling crack and when I came
I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh
And upper mid-section region
You can call that the pelvis
Some would even call that the pubic bone
Leave the pubes at home
Making this up on the spot
F**k you know about it
I'm about to go paper-mache my own d*ck and ride it
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