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I didn't have the energy
I didn't have the words to check myself on any further
every time I try to pick up my body
I feel like I was picking up a corpse
I laid in my bed and content
letting myself to carry away
I wasn't afraid anymore
not of death because that's never being something that ever bother me or cause me discomfort
I was no longer afraid to look at my parents' eyes
and without them saying a word knowing they were disappointed at me
I was no longer afraid of letting myself down
everything lacked luster everything lacked colour
everything around me just start fading out
like I was me drowned
and it was me who was drowning myself
what's the point
I'd lay on the ground for hours and ask myself that what's the point of succeeding
just die a few years later and all mean nothing
what's the point to being happy about that if it doesn't last forever
but then I thought
why do you think need to last forever for them to be meaningful
I was expecting too much
I wanted to always be happy
and have things alway going good
but that's so unrealistic
so instead of drowning on the fact of life that can't be changed
why not...why not...
why not enjoy that five minutes of happiness
why not try to make my life out of something I am interested in
and none of these things would last forever
but I want them
why is there need to be a deeper meaning than that
why not doing things because you want to
I still struggle sometimes there's days where I feel like my body could crumble at anytime
but I made this choice to stop depriving myself
I made the choice to live
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