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Gus is the cat at the theatre door
His name is l ought to have told you before
ls really Asparagus
but that's such a fuss to pronounce
That we usually call him just Gus
His coat's very shabby. He's thin as a rake
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
Yet he was in his youth, quite the smartest of cats
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime
Though his name was quiet famous, he says in his time
And when ever he joins his friends at their club
Which takes place at the back of the neighboring pub
He loves to regale them if someone else pays
With anecdotes drawn from his palmist days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He has acted with lrving
he has acted with Tree
And he likes to relate his success on the halls
Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls
But his grandest creation as he loves to tell
was Firefrofiddle, the fiend of the fell
l have played in my time every possible part
And l used to know seventy speeches by heart
l'd extemporise back chat l knew how to gag
And l knew how to let the cat out of the bag
l knew how to act with my back and my tail
With an hour of rehearsal l never could fail
l'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts
Whether l took the lead
Or in character parts
l have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell
When the curfew was rung, then l swung on the bell
ln the pantomime season l never fell flat
And l once under-studied Dick Whittington's cat
But the grandest creation as history will tell
was Firefrofiddle, the fiend of the fell
Then if someone will give him a toothful of gin
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat
When some actor suggested the need for a cat
And l say that these kittens
They do not get trained as we did in the days
When Victoria reigned
They never get drilled in a regular troupe
And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop
And he says as he scratches himself with his claws
Well, the theatre is certainly not what it was
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what l hear tell
That moment of mystery
When l made history as Firefrofiddle
the fiend of the fell《
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what l hear tell
That moment of mystery
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