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作词 : Carter Bays/Carl Maclaren/Craig Thomas/Charlene Amoia
作曲 : Carter Bays/Carl Maclaren/Craig Thomas/Charlene Amoia
Hello, everyone
I’d like to introduce myself
I’m a girl who just got screwed over by a guy
A guy named Ted Mosby
Sure, he seemed nice at first
But I found out soon enough
Ted Mosby is a jerk
A big, stupid jerk
And I’m going to tell you all about it
He treats you like a queen
And then he treats you mean
My friend, that’s how he works
He gets inside your head
I’m telling you that Ted
Mosby is a jerk
Ted Mosby is a jerk
Ted Mosby is a jerk
Ted Mosby is a jerk
He seemed so great at first
He’s an architect, a great dresser
He smells really good
I thought he was the answer to my prayers
I was wrong
Because my dream turned into a nightmare
He says you’ll be his wife
Then cuts you like a knife
It drives a girl berserk
And makes you want him dead
I’m telling you that Ted
Mosby is a jerk
Ted Mosby is a jerk
Ted Mosby is a jerk
Ted Mosby is a jerk
Are you happy, Ted Mosby
Knowing the pain you’ve caused me?
You ruined my life
I thought we had something...
I thought we had a future together
I was wrong
Because you’re a liar, Ted Mosby
A cruel, evil liar
I can’t believe I actually thought that we had something
I even told my parents about you
Yeah, I told them, “Mom, Dad, I met a really nice guy today
I really think he’s something special.”
But it was all just a cruel joke to you, wasn’t it, you jerk?
I hate you so much with your stupid blond hair and your stupid suit
I hope you fall down a manhole and die
I hope you get run over by a steamroller
I hope someone drops a piano on you from a really, really, really high building
You make me sick — physically ill
You’re evil, Ted Mosby
And if I had one wish, just one chance to change something about the world
It would be this
That you were never born
That there was never a Ted Mosby
Do you hear me, Ted Mosby?
I hate you. I hate you for what you’ve done
And for what you will do
And I’m going to make you pay
Somehow, somewhere, someday
You’re going to pay for what you’ve done
I’m totally serious, Ted Mosby
I hate you. I hate you so much
I have this burning hatred for you inside of me
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can only hate
And it’s all because of you
It’s because…
I miss you
I miss … what we had together
Please call me
Please call me, Ted, please
I’m sorry, it’ll be better this time
It’ll be good. I’ll be good
I won’t push you away like I did before
I HATE YOU!!!!!
I hate you… oh, God, I hate you, oh…
make it stop…I’m sorry…Ted…Oh God, it hurts
What we had was so good
You know, It was something special
It only comes around once in a lifetime
You know, that’s why
I just… I got to let you know that you and me
We belong together and
I know you can’t see it clearly right now
But, you know, that’s why I’m here, you know, that
Your clarity in the rough times
Just take my word for it, Ted
I do
I will … forever
Just me and you
I’ve thought about our kids’ names
I think we should have a lot of kids, like… ten
Hopefully all girls. Well, I don’t know, maybe one boy for you, but… you know
We can name him Ted Mosby
Ted Mosby II or III or whatever you are, I don’t know
I mean, you’ve got a great name: Ted Mosby
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that name
Like over and over and over…
“Ted Mosby, Ted Mosby.”
I’ve written it all over my walls
It’s really pretty! You should come over and look
It’s like, “I should be a graffiti artist!”
Oh my God. I’m so glad we got here because, you know
I feel like I can be honest now, and … and…
And I know we have a good relationship
If I feel able to tell you anything that’s on my mind
And … um… I love you. I do
I love you. I … I love you, Ted Mosby
And I have a little surprise for you:
You… you love me, too!
You do
Maybe you don’t see it right now, but you do
You… you love me. Because I’m your destiny
And you’re my destiny. And we’re going to be together
And we’re going to be happy, and that’s why this is so hard
It’s… it’s infuriating to watch you pretend this isn’t real
You’re such a jerk! I love you, Ted, but you’re such a jerk!
Why do you do this to me, Ted?
Why are you doing this to us?
You’re taking this beautiful thing that we have and… and you’re destroying it
And that hurts, Ted. It hurts. It makes me sick to my stomach
Oh, God. I think I have to puke
Excuse me…
I think that was Mexican
Oh… oh, God, you’re evil
Oh… shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off…
Euhhhhhh
Euhhhhhh
I think I need to exercise, get this out of my system
Oh yeah
Okay
I’m good
Ted, I hate you
You hurt me, Ted
You… you took so much from me. You stole my pride
You stole my dignity. You stole my innocence
You… you stole my heart
You stole my umbrella. Yeah, I know you took it, you jerk
I had it, and now it’s gone. Where is it, Ted? Why don’t you bring it back?
Wait… nevermind. Sorry, I found it. It was under my bed
Mystery solved!
But it still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a jerk, Ted and
I’m going to kill you, Yeah, I’m going to kill you, jerk
I’m going to kill you, Ted. I’m going to kill you, oh yeah
I’m going to kill you
Die, die… die, die, die
Die, go away
Wait, come back
No, die, die. How do you want to die?
You can't hide
I've found you
Ted, Can you please call me? I love you, I love you, I love you. Call me soon. Miss you!
I heart you. 1-4-3. I love you
I… I… I … I l-l-l-l-l-l-love you
I love you, I love you so bad
I love you, Ted Mosby, I love you, I love you
I love you, with all of my heart, oh yeah, oh yeah-ah-ah
I love you, I love you, I love the way you look at me, too
I do, I love you
I… I… I… I… I… I… hate you
I hate you, I hate you so bad, I hate you, I hate the way you look at me
It’s so sad. So sad, so so so so so so bad. It makes me ma-a-a-a-a-ad
It makes it bad, it makes it so bad
I love you, love you
I lo-o-o-o-o-o-ve you
I love you, my baby, my sweet
Ooh, ooh, ooh
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I ha-a-a-a-a-a-te you
I hate you, I hate everything about you, I hate you
I hate everything about you, I do
And I will make sure that you di-i-i-i-i-ie
You.. you will… you will die
I know the truth about you, Ted Mosby
You look, and telk, and act like a real human being, but I know what you really are
You’re a Cylon, and your only goal is total annihilation of the entire human race
I talked to my best friend, Dr. Baltar, and he told me, so don’t tell me that you love me
Don’t tell me that you have feelings, you can’t have feelings
You’re a frakkin toaster!
I love you
I hate you
I love you
I HATE YOU!
I love you
I HATE YOU!!!
I love you
Hate you!
Lo-o-o-o-ve you
I hate you
I love you
I ha-a-a-a-a-a-te you
I hate you and hope that you break down and die, die, di-i-ie
And if you don’t, I’ll kill you, I will, I really will…
It won’t be the first time, I’ve done it before. Oh yeah, but that’s another song
(That’s another song)
Oh yeah, that’s another song
(That’s another song)
I’ll tell you about that next time
(oooh)
Yeah
(Oooh, that’s another song)
By the way, Ted
my parents are coming in to town next week
and it would be great if you could come and have dinner with us
I know that you and I are going through a little bit of a rough patch
but I want them to see that I’m doing fine here in New York
and that you DO exist
and that I don’t need to that stupid hospital in St. Louiswhere
the guys in the white jackets are trying to kill me
They feed me these, spiders, Ted — these, these, these poisonous spiders
and also, I just really want you to meet my mom, because she’s heard so much about you
and she wants to thank you for the sweater you got her for Christmas
I picked it out and wrapped it for you, sweetie
so don’t worry about it, just nod and play along
and do NOT let them give me any kind of pill or medicine
because that’s how it all went down last time
I don’t need medicine, I AM the medicine
God put me here to tell you that you can’t do this to people, Ted Mosby
You can’t walk through life thinking your actions have no repercussions!
All actions have consequences
no matter how quietly they reverberate through the universe
You can flap your butterfly wings
Ted Mosby, and pretend there’s no storm in China
but I say unto you that there is a storm
and it’s a hurricane, and it’s growing
and it’s building in size and scope, and soon it will be at your door
And when it comes no one will be saved
The blood of the innocents will stain the street like that of the wicked
The cross shall be a sword
The seven lions shall be unleashed
The brimstone will fall on the land
And lo, the angels shall gnash their fiery teeth...
eternal reckoning and unholy consummation…
stripped and left naked lying among the wastes…
ten years of darkness, Ted Mosby!
I hate you, I hate you!
You filthy rotten bastard, I hope you die!
You die! You make me sick
Why won’t you just leave me alone and die… die…
oh hang on a second…
Hello? What? I’m not making any noise
No, that’s not me. No, it’s NOT me. You clearly DON’T know my voice…
I don’t know, I’ve never even heard of the guy…
look, I’ve got better things to do than sit around and
write songs about some guy named Ted Mosby, okay?
I’ve got to go
Uh, Ted, I got to go
But in closing, I hate you, I want you to die
and when you die, i hope you go to hell
and when you get there, I hope the devil turns you on a spit over a hot flame for eternity
Oh, uh, one more thing
that night, you got me pregnant
Congratulations, you’re a dad! Okay….
and I'm a mom
Okay, I’m kidding
But wouldn’t it be cool if we had kids?
Think about it
I HATE YOU!!!!
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Ted Mosby Is a Jerk (From "How I Met Your Mother")其它版本下载