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作词 : Alan Ayckbourn
作曲 : Andrew Lloyd Webber
BERTIE：What have you got to say, Jeeves?
What have you got to say?
JEEVES：Sir -
BERTIE：Your job's to protect me and to cushion me from shocks
Not to let the poor young master end up crouching in a box
Leave him posing as a coatstand there, the minute someone knocks
No, somebody's got to pay, Jeeves
Somebody's got to pay
JEEVES：If you would allow me, sir -
BERTIE：Threatened with a lynch mob and I lose my oldest friends
I'm embroiled with random females bent on dire romantic ends
Yours is frankly not a judgement, Jeeves, on which a chap depends
It's bordering on risque, Jeeves
Utterly declasse...
JEEVES：If I might -
BERTIE：Your job's to inspire me with encouragement and praise
Not abandon me with Stiffy in some frightful leafy maze
Not to make me change my name three times in just as many days
Here I am in an extreme position
General Custer out of ammunition
Didn't get here by my own volition
As Tennyson once thundered
Someone here has badly blundered
JEEVES：Sir -
BERTIE：It's chaos and disarray, Jeeves
Misery and dismay
JEEVES：Perhaps if i could interr -
BERTIE：Calling this a shambles is to understate the case
Look at all these banjo lovers, not a dry eye in the place
I shall never have the nerve again to look them in the face
So what have you got to say, Jeeves?
What have you got to say?
JEEVES：I fear I must confess it, sir
Despite my best endeavours to
Ensure a fluid narrative
Things haven't gone to plan
Evens were overtaken, sir
By unseen technicalities
I really can assure you, though
I've done the best I can
There comes the odd occasion, sir
When facing up to destiny
We'd do as well as well remembering
A man is but a man
You have my firm assurances
That come the grand denouement, sir
Events will all resolve themselves
In spite of come what may
I only can apologize
For any inconvenience
Injurious to your dignity
That happens on the way
I simply wish to emphasize
I have your interests uppermost
And that, sir, in conclusion, sir
Is all I have to say!
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