Smut

Slip into a cinema

And give yourself a treat

Better take a raincoat

Could be sticky on the seat

Open up you Twisties

And open up your fly

Pictures start to flicker as your hand

Moves down your thigh

If your mother knew

What you were doing

She'd probably hang her head and cry

And if she thought

That you were whipping the dripping

She'd give you a belt

Extract all the teeth of your fly

Munchy Munchy Twisties

The shorts are such a drag

Make a little opening

In the other end of your bag

Now put your Twisties right down

There in your lap

No-one ever guesses

Whatsit's in the pack

If your mother knew

What you were doing etc

Ooh la la la la la la la la etc

Better get a grip on yourself

You better pull yourself together

Better get a grip on yourself

You better pull yourself together

Better get a grip on yourself

You better pull yourself together

Better get a grip on yourself

You better pull yourself together

Better get a grip on yourself

You better pull yourself together

Better get a grip on yourself

You better pull yourself together

Picture's almost over

But still your not quite there

John Wayne pulls his gun out

And you wish he'd some to spare

Then they turn the lights on

And people start to stare

You find you've got a boot full

And your coat's stuck to the chair

If your mother knew

What you were doing etc

Ooh la la la la la la la la etc