Desperate Dan (Explicit)

The big fat chud wobbled home one night singing

Woah Maccy Maccy

After twenty eight pints

Had a bit of trouble getting the key in the door

His belly dragged him downwards and his face hit the floor

Spilt curry down his shirt soaked through to the vest

Pisses in his jeans as he tries to undress

Trousers round his ankles he bangs into the door

Decides to have a piss in the cutlery drawer

Then he starts to vomit on the telly by the wall

She must have been to Comet

Coz that cunt wasn't there before

He pukes and he pukes but there's no stopping

New picture on the stairs the old bag's been shopping

He spews and he spews then its time to relax

He props himself up on the edge of the bath

One last puke strains his whole body

Out of his arse plops a vindaloo jobby

Bile out the front end bum-sick out the back

Vomit in the toilet diarrhoea all over the bath

Then his buttock hits the hot tap and his chubby legs collapse

His jeans are round his ankles

The big fat bastard falls backwards into the bath

His arms and legs are waving they're flapping like f**k

But the sh*t's sealed him in and the fat cunt's stuck

He flounders in the tub but he's a perfect fit

Turds down his back his front's borted in sick

He grabs at the taps to pull himself clear

But he hasn't got a clue about the trouble at the rear

He crawls into bed covered in shite

And tries to cuddle up to his extremely fat and ugly wife

She hits him with a small brush

He's landed on the floor, she says

You smelly fat walrus you live at number 24