Criminal

Written by：Marshall Mathers/Jeff Bass/Mark Bass

A lot of people ask me

Stupid fuckin questions

A lot of people think that

What I say on records

Or what I talk about on a record

That I actually do in real life

Or that I believe in it

Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody that

I'm actually gonna do it

Or that I believe in it

Well shit if you believe that

Then I'll kill you

You know why

Cuz I'm a

Criminal

Criminal

You God damn right

I'm a criminal

Yeah I'm a criminal

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge

That'll stab you in the head

Whether you're a fag or lez

Or the homosex

Hermaph or a trans-a-vest

Pants or dress - hate fags

The answers yes

Homophobic

Nah you're just heterophobic

Starin at my jeans

Watchin my genitals bulgin ooh )

Thats my motherf**kin *****

You'd better let go of em

They belong in my *******

Youll never get hold of em

Hey it's me versace

Whoops somebody shot me

And I was just checkin the mail

Get it checkin the male

How many records you expectin to sell

After your second lp sends you directly to jail

Cmon -- relax guy

I like *** men

Right ken give me an amen aaa-men )

Please lord this boy needs jesus

Heal this child help us destroy these demons

Oh and please send me a brand new car

And a prostitute while my wifes sick in the hospital

Preacher preacher fifth grade teacher

You can't reach me my mom can't neither

You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause

I watch tv and comcast cable

And you ain't able to stop these thoughts

You can't stop me from toppin these charts

And you can't stop me from droppin each march

With a brand new cd for these fuckin retards

Duhhh and to think it's just little ol me

Mr don't give a fuck still won't leave

I'm a criminal

Cuz every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip em the bird

And keep goin I don't take shit from no one

Cuz every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip em the bird

And keep goin I don't take shit from no one

My mother did *** - tar

Liquor cigarettes and speed

The baby came out - disfigured

Ligaments indeed

It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she

Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me

I'm a criminal - an animal caged who turned crazed

But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you werent raised

So as I got older and I got a lot taller

My **** shrunk smaller but my ***** got larger

I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker

Than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word

My morals went thhbbpp when the president *** ****

*** in his oval office on top of his desk

Off of his own employee

Now don't ignore me you won't avoid me

You can't miss me I'm white blonde-haired

And my nose is pointy

I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die

In plane crashes and laughs

As long as it ain't happened to him

Slim shady I'm as crazy as em

Inem and kim combined - kch the maniacs in

Replacin the doctor cause dre couldn't make it today

Hes a little under the weather so I'm takin his place

mm-mm-mmm ) oh thats dre with an ak to his face

Don't make me kill him too

And spray his brains all over the place

I told you dre

You shouldve kept that thang put away

I guess thatll teach you not to let me play with it eh

I'm a criminal

Aight look uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker

Get the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there

em) aight

Ill be right here waitin on you

em) aight

Yo em

em) what

Don't kill nobody this time

em) awwright God damn fuck

whistling) how you doin

teller) hi how can I help you

eminem) yeah I need to make a withdrawl

teller) okay

eminem) put the f**kin money in the bag b**ch

And I won't kill you

teller) what oh my god don't kill me

eminem) I'm not gonna kill you b**ch quit lookin around

teller) don't kill me please don't kill me

eminem) I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you

Hurry the fuck up thank you

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it

So when I rob a bank run out and just dive in it

So Ill be disguised in it

And if anybody identifies the guy in it

I'll hide for five minutes

Come back shoot the eyewitness

Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business

Die b**ches bastards brats pets

This puppys lucky I didn't blast his a** yet

If I ever gave a f**k Id shave my ****

Tuck my **** inbetween my legs and cluck

You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough

To say the stuff I say so this tape is shut

Shit half the shit I say I just make it up

To make you mad so kiss my white naked a**

And if its not a rapper that I make it as

I ma be a f**kin ****** in a jason mask