The Talkin' Song Repair Blues - Alan Jackson
'N-He shook his head and said: "This ain't good;
Your timin' belt's done shrunk one size too small;
And those spark plug wires are a little too long
The mechanic raised up from under my hood,
And your main prodsponder's nearly gone;
Your injector ports are stripped and that ain't all
Your torque converter's runnin' low on torque
And that water pump's nearly down a quart;
We caught it all in time so you're in luck "
He said "I've got the time and I've got the parts
Just give me the word and I'm ready to start;
I think we can bring her in for-uh eight-hundred bucks
But don't be downhearted I can fix it for you sonny;
It won't take too long it'll just take money "
Then he said "Aren't you that songwriter guy "
'N-I said "Yes I am "
He said "So am I "
He set down and played me a song by the grease rack;
When he finished singin' he gave me a smile
And I closed my eyes and pondered a while;
'N-he said "What do you think
Now don't hold nothin' back "
Well I gave him my most sorrowful look
And I said "This song's got a broken hook;
'N-I can order you a new one from Nashville but it won't be cheap;
And I know you've been using a cut-rate thesaurus
'Cause your adverbs have backed up into your chorus
Now your verse is runnin' on verbs that are way too weak
But don't be downhearted I can fix it for you sonny;
It won't take too long it'll just take money "
'N-I said "Hold on friend
Now I'm not through;
I hate to be the one to give you this news
But your whole melodic structure's done worked itself loose;
It's got so many dotted eighth notes in it
I'd keep her under fifty beats per minute;
I mean that's just me talkin' it's really up to you
'N you've got a bad safety problem
With that dominant chord with the augmented fifth
Just see how dangerously high it raises you up;
So just go on over and work on my car
And I'll sit here by the fan and chances are
I can straighten this thing out for eight- uh nine-hundred bucks
But don't be downhearted I can fix it for you sonny;
It won't take too long "
You guessed it
It may be a hit
I like it