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SOAK - "all aboard"
Welcome aboard the southbound last trip 432 to Grim Town
If you are standing please continue to stand
There are no additional seats
Please note
This train is for the following categories of passenger only
Recipients of universal credit or minimum wage the lonely
The disenfranchised the disillusioned the lost the grieving
Those who are unmedicated and have salaries or pension plans
Should vacate the carriage immediately
Passengers will be required to disembark
And travel on their knees from this point
Sustenance will not be available
Please surrender any faith aspiration or optimism to platform staff
If you haven't already
There will be no refunds or compensation for any inconvenience
Refreshments will not be available onboard
Enjoy your journey