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Eminem - Alfred's Theme (Explicit)
Lyrics by：M Mathers、L. Resto、C Gounod
Composed by：M Mathers、L. Resto、C Gounod
Before I check the mic
Check check one two
I give it an extra swipe with a Lysol disinfectant wipe
Good evening
Coronavirus in effect tonight
Antiseptics on deck I got every type
Yeah
I throw on my tux then I
Yeah
Give zero f**ks then I
Yeah
Act like a jockstrap
Uh
Cup my nuts then I
Yeah
Check my ball hair
What
Make sure it's all there
Yeah
Then call the pallbearer
Yeah
It's Music to Be Murdered By again why stop
Overkill like a pipe bomb in your pine box
You're all hitched to my cock
What
Went from punchin' a time clock to getting my shot
Then treated it like a cyclops
Like it's the only one I got
And my thoughts are like nines cocked
Chk-chk
Every line's obscene pervertedest mind got the dirtiest rhyme stocked
That's why there's parental advising every time I drop
So throw on the theme to Alfred I'll channel him like the Panama Canal
But how could I get up in arms
About you saying trash is all that I put out
B***h I still get the bag when I'm putting garbage out
Plus the potty mouth I'm not about to wash it out
The filthiest so all this talk about "I'm washed up" how preposterous
Because if cleanliness is next to godliness
It's obvious that it's impossible for me to be beside myself
And I'm 'bout that capital like a proper noun
Still on top the pile
Got me sitting on numbers like a pocket dial
Quick to call you out on your bulls**t
Don't make me give that crock a dial
'Cause if I do it's see you later alligator
Made it out the trailer then I made a vow to cater to no one
So hate I've gained about the same amount that's in my bank account
So here's some more s**t for you to complain about I say the
Bars that never slack but always get attacked
Yeah
I think they're gunnin' for me it's startin' to feel like that
Like I'm marked 'cause when I rap
It's like fallin' on my back in a tar pit
'Cause I have this target on my back
Ew yuck
But if I ever double-crossed my fans and lost my Stans
I'd probably pop five Xans
Yeah
Go in my garage start my van
Inhale as much carbon monoxide and exhaust I can
And doze off like
But odds like that with these thoughts I have's
Like a giant getting squashed by ants
If this is the test of time I'd pass with flying colors
Like I just tossed my crayons
Tossed my crayons
Small medium and large size cans
Sanitizers of all types brands cost nine bands
Which is a small price for Lysol wipes and
If my palms brush across my pants I wash my hands
S**t hold on man
Motherf**ker
Happy birthday to
F**k
Shh quiet
I sit in silence in candlelit environments
Sipping Wild Irish while getting violent
Homicidal visions when I'm spitting like this
But really I'm just fulfilling my wish of killing rhymes
Which is really childish and silly but I'm really like this
I'm giving nightmares to Billie Eilish I'm Diddy's side b***h
What the f**k
Hold on wait
"I'm Diddy's side b***h"
Oh I'm still east side b***h
So until the E-N-D since EPMD
Been givin' y'all the business
Yeah
D.R.E and me
Yup
From the MMLP to MTBMB
B***h
B***h it's 2020 you still ain't seein' me
Haha
So call me Santa Clause
Santa Clause
'Cause at the present
Yeah
I out-rap 'em all I'm at the mall
Got your b***h in a bathroom stall she could suck a basketball
Uh
Through a plastic straw
Yeah
With a fractured jaw
D**n
My d**k is coat check
Ha
She wanna jack it off
Yeah
I'm so far past the bar I should practice law
Mentally I'm f**ked up generally
Duh
Dukes of Hazzard car get the cadaver dogs
'Cause this is murder murder and you'll get murked murked
This music 'bout to kill you brr brr
Brr
This chicken hit my phone she said "Chirp chirp"
I said "Hut hut hike your skirt skirt"
Then go eat some worms like the early bird
What the f**k is love
That's a dirty word
Make me fall in it there's not a girl on Earth
Or any other planet that's a world of hurt
And I won't buy a designer 'cause I don't pander
But I'm back with so many knots I need a chiropractor
D**n
And this the final chapter 'cause I'm either frying after
Or they gon' give me the needle
What
Like a vinyl scratcher
DJ
Yeah I'm a card like Hallmark
At Walmart with a small cart buying wall art
And y'all who claim to be dogs aren't
No bite like a tree mostly just all bark arf arf
But y'all pickin' the wrong tree they call me dog because I'm barking
Bark bark bar king
And I got a lot yeah like where cars park
I'd describe it as bowling
Why
Ball hard
Ball's hard
'Cause the gutter's where my mind is and when
It's in this frame better split like the five and the ten
'Cause without a second to spare I'm strikin' again
And when the beat is up my alley I go right for the pens
The cypher begins
I'm talkin' smack like h****n the mic's a syringe
It's like a binge Vicodin I would liken to tin
My mind is a recycling bin
There's no place I never been
But I never budge and I never bend
You hyperextend on me this game's life it depends
Like adult diapers for men
Even when I'm rappin' less stellar
It's sour grapes I still whine I'm the best seller
Like a trey deuce spray you as these shots penetrate through Dre's booth
And go straight through your grapefruit no escape route
So you won't leave here just scathed with a few scrape wounds
Your a*s is grass and I am not gonna graze you
But if bar's were semi-mac's I'd be the Mad Hatter
'Cause I got so many caps and you don't have any straps
Nah
So you'd be a fitted
Yeah
So don't act like you fittin' to snap
B***h I'll pee on your head like a Phillies hat
Haha
No stoppin' me you're on a window shopping spree
B***h you probably go broke at the Dollar Tree
You never buy s**t all you ever cop's a plea
You're always punkin' out like Halloween
You rather opt to flee you need to stop it punk
Homie you're not a G act like you got the pump
You're gonna cock the heat or get the Glock and dump
B***h if you shot a tree you wouldn't pop the trunk
Yeah and I'm buddies with Alfred we about to
Disembowel them gut 'em and scalp 'em yeah
This is 'bout to be the bloodiest outcome
'Cause we gon' make you bleed with every cut from this album
So I'm choppin' 'em up like Dahmer
The nut job with the nuts that are bigger than Jabba the Hutt
I'm in the cut and I'm out for the blood
It's lookin' like it's that time of the month
Carvin' 'em up with the bars while I sharpen 'em up dog and a mutt
I'm gonna f**k your mom in the butt with a thermometer f**kin' phenomenal but
Y'all'll get cut the f**k up like abdominals if you don't vámonos
I keep droppin' like dominos the formidable abominable
Stompin' a mudhole in my comp even if it's off the top of the dome
Son 'em get the Coppertone
I'm at the Stop and Go coppin' the Mop and Glo
Got your stomach in knots like you swallowed rope
You out of pocket though like a motherf**kin' wallet stole
Wait why'd the beat cut off
F**k it
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