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sacha baron cohen - Master Of The House
My band of soaks
My den of dissolutes
My dirty jokes my always pissed as newts
My sons of whores
spend their lives in my inn
Homing pigeons homing in
They fly through my doors
Welcome monsieur
Sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest all of them crooks
Rooking the guests and cooking the books
Seldom do you see honest men like me
A gent of good intent
who's content to be
Master of the House Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale Creates a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a favour
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price
Master of the House Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve them
of a sou or two
Watering the wine
Making up the weight
Picking up their knick-knacks
When they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases Jesus
Won't I bleed 'em in the end
Master of the House
Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer-by to pass him by
Servant to the poor Butler to the great
Comforter philosopher and life-long mate
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises Jesus
Won't I skin you to the bone
Food beyond compare Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer
and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse Liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges Plus
some little extras on the side
Charge them for the lice
Extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice There a little cut
Three per cent for sleeping
with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks he knows
How it all increases
All them bits and pieces
Jesus It's amazing how it grows
I used to dream that
I would meet a prince
But God almighty
have you seen what's happened since
"Master of the House" isn't worth my spit
Comforter philosopher and life-long shit
Cunning little brain Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted living with
this bastard in the house
Master of the House Master and a half
Comforter philosopher Don't make me laugh
Servant to the poor Butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate
Everybody bless the landlord
Everybody bless his spouse
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse
Everybody raise a glass to
the Master of the House
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