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Waiter oh waiter
please come to my rescue
I cannot understand a word
that's written on this menu
Not that I'm unaccustomed
to this kind of smart cuisine
But what you've handed me is
in a language I've never seen
And the way my companion here
keeps gazing over at me
Makes me feel like
I'm drifting further
and further out to sea
Everything looks so frightening
Everything here looks so nice
Oh waiter please waiter
I really need your advice
Waiter oh waiter
I feel so embarrassed
If this is really French
it's not the kind they use in Paris
What is this crab and lobster foam
what's in this cassoulet
And my companion's so at home
so terribly au fait
I need some words of wisdom
I need you to take my side
For very soon I know
will come the moment to decide
Won't you help me through this menu
Won't you please just catch my eye
So waiter oh waiter
Please help me out tonight
Underneath that stiff tuxedo
you must be human too
You'll have had
your days of heartache
And days when your dreams came true
So waiter oh waiter
Please help me out tonight
Waiter oh waiter
please come to my rescue
Oh let this be the sort of thing
your service can extend to
Not that I'm unaccustomed
to this kind of smart cuisine
But this menu is as baffling
as anything I've ever seen
And the way he looks across
at me with his sardonic gaze
Makes me feel I'm drifting further
out into the choppy waves
Everything looks so frightening
everything here looks so nice
Oh waiter please waiter
I really need your advice
Underneath that stiff tuxedo
you must be human too
You'll have had your days of heartbreak
And days when your dreams came true
So waiter oh waiter
So waiter oh waiter
Waiter please waiter
Waiter on waiter
Waiter on waiter
Waiter please waiter
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