Boat Train (Explicit)

I met with Napper Tandy

And I shook him by the hand

He said "Hold me up for Chrissake

For I can hardly stand"

The most disgraceful journey

On which I've ever been

The last time that I travelled on

The Boat Train

I had a couple of drinks in town

A few more at the port

I puked up on the gangway

But some kind folks helped me board

They helped me to a table

Poured whiskey down my throat

They sat me at a table

And I lost my watch and coat

First we drank some whiskey

Then we drank some gin

Then we drank tequila

I think that's what did me in

Then we drank some brandy

And the women had a dance

The steward then announced

That we could play the game of "chance"

We crowded round the table

With our money in our hands

I ended up on the other side

Without a penny in my pants

I woke up in the toilet

When we got to Holyhead

The doors were all a-banging

And I wished that I was dead

We got on board the train

And then we had a drink or two

Started playing poker

But the booze ran out at Crewe

Some people started sleeping

Others looked for duty free

Some bastard started singing

"The little cottage by the Lee"

He then sang "Paper Roses"

"Boolavogue" "Eileen Aru"

Somebody started slagging off

The Pakis and the Jews

First I found some whiskey

Then I found some gin

I sat down in the corner

And I read the Daily News

First I drank the whiskey

Then I drank the gin

I tried to make the toilet

And I broke my f**kin shin

Next thing that I knew

I was in London in the rain

Staggering up the platform

Off the Boat Train